Black men in relationships...the learning NEVER stops...

Okay, there are SOOOO many things that I am learning from my relationship w/my boyfriend. I HAVE to put them down some where. My bf is West Indian, working overseas for his country's government - yes, he's a diplomat. I'm gonna leave it at that because he is a very private person.

I really have to blog about what I've learned because although many of them may be tough for us to swallow, at least understanding them might help prevent some of the mis-communication that goes on in black relationships.

• Don't talk over him in arguments (I have a serious case of this, lol)

• Stroke their ego (in more ways than one ;) compliments etc etc *wink*

• When you get mad, don't always start yelling, just calmly say how you feel. You'll do better keeping your voice at a calm level. They'll actually listen.

• Your opinion does not always have to be heard in order for you to get what you want.

• Black men dating white woman - a lot is psychological: rubbing it into white men's faces in public... feeling like they're eating forbidden fruit. (I'll devote an entire post to this later.)
  

• Sadly, a lot of men are intimidated by women are really proponents of equality. Although they are fine with us working etc, some just don't like to hear it shoved down their throats. I guess it somehow threatens their manhood? "Men and women are the perfect compliments." - that's a quote from my boyfriend.
  

• You don't have to win every argument. Even if you are right. Trust me, sometimes it's really not worth it. This is a tough one for those of us who are super opinionated (me, lol).
  

• When upset about something he does, sometimes it helps to just think of him as an entire being. Is there anything that he does right? Yes, actually there is a lot that he does right. Try not to keep attacking him because it does start to feel to them like we don't see anything good about them...which of course is not the case. We love them!
  

Wow, right?

Now - as I said, I am dating a West Indian, and they are definitley more conservative when it comes to women then African American men are. In other words, they really do not like to feel like they're your lapdog. They do like women to be women (I know) and men to be men. However, truthfully, I think these are feelings inside most Black men, whether they admit it or not.

The mind of the current day black man is a COMPLEX matter.

Please don't take any of this as me trying to take women back 100 years, lol. These are just observations... some that my boyfriend and I have openly discussed, and others that I quietly observed. My experience is that learning a lot of the way the mind of black man works, has started to prevent the recurring themes of arguments and misunderstandings that I had in previous relationships. That doesn't mean that I am de-valuing myself as an individual. But we have to acknowledge who we are dealing with. These men really are not that complicated.

When you are deeply in love with someone there are going to be some compromises and sacrifices in terms of personalities, interests, beliefs etc . The question is how much of yourself are you willing to compromise for the future that you may have with him? You'd be surprised at how happy two people can be when both people work towards middle ground.