Summer 2010: Reflections

Men Come and Go 
(And hello, that's okay!)  In my opinion the ex and I are super duper officially over.  And it took me at least a month and a half to fully accept that.  Now that I have, I'm excited for myself, my life, and my prospects.  Whenever bizarre and upsetting people/situations suddenly present themselves in my life, I've noticed that it was always to make room for something much bigger.  It has happened time and time again - and sometimes it scares me how bluntly life speaks to me.  I've realized that there were many things that I should never have let slide on my ex's end, which I believe led him to become way to comfortable with me.  In the future, I will hold men to a higher standard.  Chances of him making an unscheduled re-appearance in my life (and probably just out of sheer nosiness): moderate.  Chances of me ever looking at him the same and allowing him back into my life: very slim. 

Renewal
I have a renewed sense of my future living internationally and supporting myself.  I am again seriously looking into investing opportunities in Africa and the Caribbean so that I support myself independently from the Man.  I'm planning on a few due-diligence type trips to a few Caribbean islands upon my return.  A few weeks ago upon learning of my upcoming year in Namibia, an African cab driver said to me, "Make sure you look into investing in Africa.  White people are doing it, and we need to as well.  There is a lot of opportunity down there."  Yeah, before white and Chinese neo-colonialism irreversibly sets in!

Africa
Namibia...  is right around the corner!  (Heart skips beat) The nervousness is seriously starting to set in, and I know that once fall begins my departure date will creep up.  As long as I don't catch Malaria and I can eat well, I'll be straight.  I already know what to expect as it pertains to a lot of the men - stares and cat calls.  Just like in the Caribbean.  Nevertheless, I'm still ready for the journey.  This is HUGE!  Almost surreal.  I know that my mother will be with me and smiling down on the first female in our family to finally make it back Home.

There are A LOT of gay men in Atlanta! 

The Law of Attraction
The Universe is scarily speaking to me again.  Just when I start getting into Bollywood and finding Arab and Indian men sexy, they start noticing me too!  NICE.

People Will Be People (unfortunately a quote from my ex *shudders*)

I am learning to accept people for who they are - the good and the bad.  No one, not even immediate family members is perfect and they can and will do things that will seriously disappoint you.

Unpredictability

My life has been ridiculously unpredictable.  Who would've known that I would lose my mother and my closest grandmother within 3 years?   I struggle with placing that label on my life, because it almost sounds like someone else's.  Like did that really happen?  And has it really been over 3 years since my mother passed?  The more time that passes, the more I realize what a short but special time we had together in this realm.  And now I'm heading to Africa?  And I even spent one year living in the Caribbean.  Who knew?  Sometimes my life seriously feels like a movie.  I can't dwell on the bizarreness of it all, because when I do it really starts to freak me out.  I'm sure that's where some grief counseling needs to take place.  For some reason, my life speaks SO shockingly clearly to me and it's terrifying at times.  What does it all mean?

Average Men Bore Me
I don't have much patience for typical men anymore.  It just doesn't do it for me.  Like good looks, a six pack, a great job, a car, a 9-5, a masters (yawn) I need someone special or exciting.  Something exotic and different.  Someone fresh and not stale.  Someone whose background I can learn about.  I don't know who my soul mate will be or if I even have one.  But I'm noticing a lot of what other women my age find attractive and datable bores me to smithereens!  I seriously need someone dynamic.  And men who are really into themselves and who have to constantly remind you and themselves about their perceived success (big yawn) really don't do it for me.  Ever see these 2000's brothers with their degrees, bow ties, suede blazers on, and a pair of jeans?  Gross.  I can't take a man who is that into himself.  That is such a freaking turn off.  It's questionable as hell too.

I need someone who is humble, yet real, raw, cool, down to earth, fun, exciting, secure, strong, effortlessly masculine, inquisitive, international, broad minded, intelligent, supportive, consistent and clear.  Someone who isn't afraid of the what ifs.  After all, I am about to turn 27... Get my drift?

I've Gained a Little Sister
My 15 year old cousin (my mother's sister's daughter) is so much fun!  She reminds me of myself in so many ways, and is just a really genuinely nice person -  something that is hard to come by in social acquaintances.  It is amazing to see the similarities and how instantly we have clicked.  We are sooo the daughter's of sisters.  Into make up, looking attractive, carrying ourselves like ladies, and of course our natural poise gets us lots of attention from guys (of all different races).  We also both come from strong women, so we in turn are very clear and aware.  Amazing.