Love Is Stronger Than Pride

I didn't feel like fighting anymore.  I didn't feel like trying to make him see eye to eye with me.  I didn't feel like convincing him that he was wrong anymore.  This was a new feeling.  A new approach.  Just letting it be.

I answered the phone when he called the night of my birthday.  In the first call I was angry with him, so I was pretty cold about his video birthday message.  That convo ended pretty quickly. But then I felt bad for him.  He's pretty pathetic actually.  So I swallowed my pride and went against everyone's advice, and ended up calling him back, telling him that I actually appreciated his birthday wishes.  I decided that I wanted to leave our "friendship", as it is now, on good terms.

We had a descent convo, where he expressed interest in keeping in touch with me via phone and email, especially while I am in Africa.  I said I wasn't interested in phone games, but that email was fine.

And so I've accepted that I still like him.  And that he in some way still likes me.  But that I will be leaving in three months for at least a year.  The time will either make or break any chances of renewing the relationship that we once had.  

In some ways, it's refreshing and empowering to know that he still cares about me, in his own very different way.  But somehow, I've acknowledged that I love him in all his quirkiness.  I've simultaneously accepted that our relationship is on an indefinite hold.  And I'm not insecure about that anymore.  I'm confident in the woman that I am, with or without him.

This Sade classic perfectly explains how I feel.  

"I won't pretend that I intend to stop living

I won't pretend I'm good at forgiving

But I can't hate you

Although I have tried...

I still really really love you

Love is stronger than pride

I still really really love you"