Diary of A Tired Black Man: My Take

Just finished watching this flick and all I have to say is wow! Some brutally honest discussion that a lot of black women probably do not want to hear, lol. Although it was somewhat skewed, I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't say that I saw some of myself in the (ex) wife's character. This film was more like a short movie wrapped into a documentary of man on the street interviews. Basically, it focused on how a black woman's upbringing and/or actions can cause a black man to become "tired" and ruin a relationship.

Well honestly, I can say that I have made the mistake of listening to friends, trashing my man to them lol and allowing their opinions to affect my decisions, being very argumentative, pushing a man to his limits with my tongue etc etc... I mean, come on. I have to start honestly evaluating myself. I know for a fact that a lot of my actions are directly related to things I saw growing up... ie my mom going off on my dad, lol. Her mother and sister both ended up divorced as well. I come from a family of strong and highly intelligent black women who don't let too much slide, so it's only natural that I am now mimicking their behavior. And I know that my father's absence all the time because of work has probably affected my ability to effectively communicate with and understand men... simply because I have not had the opportunity to learn how to do such.

In the thick of things, the "on a break" boyfriend repeatedly warned me that he didn't like arguments. I didn't take his words seriously and the arguing definitely turned him off. I think that's a pretty simple lesson that a lot of women have to learn - men do not like arguing. Point blank. I actually don't like arguing either, I'd rather be happy and make love. But I do thrive off of arguing a lot of the time. It's like a "I'm gonna get the last word, he's gonna hear what I have to say, and I'm gonna show him" mentality. You keep letting it get the best of you instead of controlling your responses and the cycle repeats itself.

(All of this is NOT to say that men or my "on a break" boyfriend do not have their own faults. But this movie and this post is to focus on my actions as a woman, and to stop placing the blame on the other party. I'm trying to evolve as a person.)

What might happen if I start changing my approach to dealing with men that I am in relationships with? What would be the outcome of looking at more of the good than the bad? I know the "on a break" boyfriend is generally a great guy. He always had a lot of respect for my mind and body. I was never pressured to be intimate. He was always concerned with quality of the relationship considering the baggage that we both were coming in with. (Meanwhile, I was head over heels for him, lol) He was a different guy with some personality quirks, but a good one none the less. Looking back there is so much that I could have handled differently. How about talking instead of getting an attitude, lol. It is amazing to look back and truthfully acknowledge how you could have responded differently. What I do know is that I do not want to spend my life repeating the same cycles.

I'm gonna go out on a LIMB, swallow my pride, and try to repair some of the damage from my end. I'm gonna consciously try to work on me at the same time. If that doesn't work, I can be satisfied knowing that I put my best foot forward and that it just wasn't meant to be.