A Letter To Men

My Brothers,

Just a couple of things to get off of my chest:

1. Just because it is 2010 and we live in a digital age does not mean that you should embark on a relationship with a grown woman using text messages.  Please pick up the phone and call her.  Unless you are dealing with a 19 year old, this is just not an acceptable introduction into a mature woman's life.  Be a man, and use your voice.

2.  Don't get brand new. An adult woman is not interested in a "sometimey" man.  Don't be too busy for your woman but then when things quiet down or you have the flu, decide to call her.  It is in extremely poor taste and makes you look supremely selfish. 

3.  Don't be a hypocrite.  I find it oh so immature when a man does one thing, but if and when I do the same thing, it's a problem.  For example, you party all the time and I'm fine with it, but the one random time that I go out, you're suddenly jealous?  Seriously??

4.  When you screw up it is very easy to get back into good terms with your woman.  Flowers, chocolates, just taking charge even though we're still upset and doing something sweet and sexy will take you a long way.  You all talk about your disdain for arguments, but you fail to realize how easy it is to stop the back and forth.  I personally would love for a man to cover my lips with his hands, push me against the wall and start kissing me passionately and slightly aggressively.  Trust me, I will shut up immediately!

5.  Adore your woman.  This does not equate to being "gay".  I mean, show her off and be proud to be seen with her.  Or don't waste her time.  I honestly believe this was a problem more specific to my ex.  Like - what kind of man is sooo private, he doesn't want to hold your hand in public?  This dude told me that he and his ex used to walk into places separately, just so no one would be in their business.  I mean, I get that Barbados is a tiny close knit island, but come on!!  Bottom line - at a certain point, if you are serious about a woman and a relationship, showing her off should not be uncomfortable for you. 

6.  Respect and appreciate a quality woman when you meet one.  Don't throw her or the potential away for partying or easy women.  Life is too short and by the time you realize what you lost, it may be too late.  I know a lot of men are slower to mature, but I strongly believe that by a certain age a man should be able to recognize and respect quality.  A good women will go so far for you and be there for you even when you've screwed up.  Why throw that away?  

7.  Be supportive in the good times and the bad.  Don't be phonily attracted to me when things are sweet, but when I am going through confusing and challenging times back off.  My take on a real self-proclaimed adult male is someone who is especially there for you when everything isn't easy.  This builds onto my basic respect for you as a man.

None of this is to be uber-critical, it's only to try to help us become closer and to have sweeter relationships with each other. I'm sure this has a lot to do with my own personal experiences with men, more specifically the ex.  However, I find that a lot of us are repeatedly running into the same misunderstandings about each other, so this is why I've chosen to address all men.

Sincerely,

Michelle Amiee (my new moniker)